It should be easy to talk about one of my favorite people. I know that if dad were here he’d say, “Don’t feel bad for me, we had a good ride”. I think he might actually be a little annoyed that we’re all inside a stuffy room on a beautiful day when we could all be waterskiing. But he’s been preparing us for this day for a long time. I want to thank those of you who did their homework for this funeral. If you spent some time with his playlist you’d notice that it contained a lot of answers to life’s existential questions. His 5 favorite songs are (in order):
Stairway to Heaven
Carry On My Wayward Son
Question
Baba O'Reilly
Come Sail Away
That playlist and his accompanying spreadsheet are one of the greatest gifts he left behind:
Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
Now your life's no longer empty
But surely heaven waits for you
Music played such an important part of his life. He loved driving and listening to music. He loved cranking up his record player on Saturday morning to wake us up for morning chores. He loved talking about the year an album or song came out, where he was when he first heard it, or when he saw them in concert. He was an early adopter of the walkman. When I got an IPod he thought it was so cool. When SiriusXM started to install satellite radio tailored to genre, he started paying for that, listening to the music and all the countdowns and commentary. But what changed his life was 2 years ago when I bought him a Spotify membership for Christmas. He has always been someone who loves to organize, order, and rank. Being able to create playlists or listen to any album he wanted at whim without ads was his rapture. He would often tell me what a great time he was having sharing the playlist or reading the lyrics as the song played. He had been listening to some of this music for 50 years. But he never tired of the same guitar riffs, drum solos, or chord progressions. If anything he was reliving his best moments over and over. Of course, we weren’t smart enough to buy him airpods or headphones as part of the gift so he would often have it playing just on the phone speaker. His truck didn’t have bluetooth so he would just turn the volume up as best he could and listen.
Last car to pass, here I go
And the line of cars drove down real slow
And the radio played that forgotten song
His intensity for making lists only heightened (at least as I imagine it because I wasn’t born) when he discovered the spreadsheet. Out in the viewing area you can see the spreadsheet of his favorite music, color coded with built in filters. I really hope you got a chance to look at it. It perfectly encapsulates the way he cared about things and a look into his mind. He made sure to include his “Ground Rules” so that everyone knew why he made the choices he did. You can tell the spreadsheet was meant to be shared because he included a note specifically to respond to anyone who would think he didn’t give the Beatles enough credit. He says, “Preferences tend to be swayed by the bands I liked throughout the years, that's why there are 3 bands above the Beatles although I think they are probably the best rock innovators”
I wonder what tomorrow has in mind for me
Or am I even in it's mind at all
Perhaps, I'll get a chance
To look ahead and see
Soon as I find myself a crystal ball
I remember when Nicole decided to attend Cornell after High School. It was a perfect fit and had everything she wanted in her young life. Dad was not particularly thrilled with this decision and lack of plan to make it work financially. Of course she had never earned more than $10 an hour. She had never bought anything more expensive than her Nintendo 64! (which I was very jealous of). So she didn’t give much attention to how much this was going to cost. Dad however, was always very worried about finances. He felt a huge responsibility to provide for us all. So he sat down with her and mom in the living room on our white couches and presented his spreadsheet (I think you’re seeing a trend). It had itemized costs and expenses in one column and her limited earning potential in another. The number didn’t look great. I had a massive shortfall, meaning a lot of debt would accrue over 4 years. He preferred that she attend a local school where she could get a similar education without any financial burden, but mostly he just wanted a plan. He didn’t think she should go until she had thought through all the possibilities. Unfortunately, for him but very fortunately for us, my parents had taught us to dream big. In addition, her stubbornness was slash is strong. It got very tense. She told him she was going no matter what. He told her that’s fine, good luck with that, maybe you can do it on your own. But as the sincere and loving parent that he is, he was the one to back down from the game of chicken. He came back to the white couches again with his modified spreadsheet. It included the amount he and my mom could support her with and a column of other possible scholarship and income streams that she would be required to pursue. They had a tenable if still likely debt-ridden plan. But he is so proud of her and her education. He was so delighted to hear her PhD defense, the intricacies of the science and experimentation were very much his jam. His love didn’t fail. Kira actually just graduated with her Master’s last month. My dad was able to see each of his children work towards higher degrees of education than he did and I think that really put his financially stressed mind at ease.
I understand about indecision
But I don't care if I get behind
People livin' in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind
My dad was really sad when Kira moved away. She was his last child at home (to be more specific last child in the state of Utah) and they shared such a bond. She was his ski buddy, never to be replaced. He showered her with new skis, gloves, and wetsuits for birthdays and Christmas, both of them thrilled by their shared sport. He and her also spent so much time together in one of his favorite hobbies: watching TV. Nicole, Mom, and I don’t really share the same taste in TV. But Kira and dad can sit and watch sitcoms on endless repeat. They watched The Goldbergs, Reba, Third Rock from the Sun, Big Bang Theory, Back to the Future, Galaxy Quest, Groundhog Day and one of his most comforting (and surprising favorites) the animated Madagascar movie. He said it was so silly and removed from life that he could just relax and enjoy.
In a consumer culture I often find myself wondering, “what am I creating”. Creation is a Godlike attribute. I felt that when we went to the temple as a family on Thursday. Jesus taught in Luke:
“For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?
Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him,
Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish.”
My dad was certainly a counter and a creator. He was a force. Our backyard is certainly an example of “if you build it they will come”. I was just watching video of him and grandpa spending hours digging the sprinkle pits, laying down the sod, planting trees, designing the volleyball court, and building the fence. The volleyball court has been the center of weekly games since I was a teenager. The yard has been the site of our family Labor Day party for years. He built a gathering place for friends and family. In recent years he put in the hot tub and built the Pergola. He would often just sit out there by himself or with mom or even on our weekly family video calls: enjoying his view of the mountains, listening to the birds, watching the sunset, and enjoying the warmth. A few months ago while I was visiting we sat in the hot tub watching a lightning storm pass by the mountains in the distance. He also was the architect of many a tournament and party at the lake. He would prepare for weeks in advance. For tournaments he would corral sponsors, driving all over the valley to pick up swag (which many of you have received, probably on more than 1 occasion, and wore last night), trophies, prizes, gift certificates, speakers, and other equipment. Bags and coolers would start to line up days in advance of the big Saturday event. He would have food, snacks, drinks, trophies, spreadsheets, life jackets, buoys, and tools so that he could be ready to execute his event to perfection. He would have a whole army of other people with tasks and assignments working together. We would wake up super early the morning of and loaded the truck. We would be there before anyone else, with a few minutes of peace. Before being flooded by people, requests, and problems. But his ability to count the cost in advance would help make sure things continued smoothly. Of course, this is all of the behind the scenes work. What most people saw and felt was time to waterski, his famous Nathan’s hot dogs lunches, fantastic music and a good time. It stressed him out a lot, but he created something amazing. He pushed hard for a long time to have waterski tournaments at the lake, building a comradie for the waterski community in Utah and Idaho, one that he had been a part of and nurtured since he was living at Mantua in the 70’s. He wanted to get as many people skiing as he could. Which leads me to his crown jewel, he jump
I get up and nothin' gets me down
You got it tough, I've seen the toughest around
And I know, baby, just how you feel
You got to roll with the punches to get to what's real
Ah, might as well jump
Might as well jump
I look to the sea
Reflections in the waves, spark my memory
Some happy, some sad
I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had
We lived happily forever
So the story goes
But somehow we missed out
On the pot of gold
But we'll try, best that we can
To carry on
He was so fascinated by physics. I was certainly the only kid in the 3rd grade doing my science fair project on nuclear reactions. One of the laws of the universe is that “energy cannot be created or destroyed, but it can be transformed or transferred from one form to another”. In the cultural hall sits the last thing that he did. His Dr Pepper cup is in there, half full of the Dr Pepper he picked up the morning he passed. It is still. The ice has melted. It will slowly evaporate. But it is still sweet. The word effervescent is the perfect descriptor for my dad. He is one of the most vivacious and spirited people I know. The dual meaning of effervescent as fizzy is a poignant reminder of the Dr Pepper that he was always drinking, a sweet part of the sweet life that he lived. I know that his body is now cold but that energy isn’t gone. It will never leave. It has just been transformed, transferred to us.
He suffered long with his children and our choices
He was kind to everyone
He envieth not the success of others but wanted others to succeed
He vaunteth not himself even when he jumped 100 feet
He is not puffed up, non judgemental towards everyone
He didn’t seek his own but looked out for others
He is not easily provoked
You’ve made your final cut to the ramp dad, rest in flight now that you’re done
